


Captain Innuendo

by searchingwardrobes



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Future Fic, Humor, coffee time, married killian and emma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-12 21:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7950232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/searchingwardrobes/pseuds/searchingwardrobes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma decides to try and resist Killian's charms for 24 hours. Try being the operative word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain Innuendo

**Author's Note:**

> * This fic was inspired by a "game" my husband likes to play in which he says the most mundane things like its a sexual innuendo, and I try (usually unsuccessfully) not to react. In fact, some of the dialogue in this fic is actually real. It would be TMI for me to say exactly what's real and what isn't, so I'll just let it bug you :)

              Maybe it was because they had gone through so much to get to this place. Maybe it was because they had put aside their desires and attractions for so long. Pent up sexual frustration. Or whatever. At any rate, Emma and Killian had been like those proverbial rabbits for months now. Pretty much all of Storybrooke was used to them showing up places slightly late, slightly out of breath, and slightly disheveled. And Killian’s innuendos were cranked up to eleven. No matter what conversation they were having, no matter how mundane, he always steered it in the same direction with a cocky grin and over-expressive eyebrows.

              “Killian, could you pass the butter?”

              “Oh, I’ll butter your toast, Swan.”

              Emma noticed a wobbly leg on one of the kitchen chairs.

              “Killian, there’s a screwdriver in the drawer over there. Hand it to me?”

              “I’ve definitely got a screwdriver for you, love. Why don’t _you_ give me a hand instead?”

              One morning, Emma and Killian were – once again – late and disheveled.

              “Killian, have you seen my keys?”

              “Oh, Emma, I’ve seen more than your keys.”

              At this point, she had to tell him that his innuendos were getting downright ridiculous. They weren’t even making sense. Not that it mattered. Emma knew things had gotten out of hand when they found themselves naked on the kitchen floor simply because of the way he had said “refrigerator.” His ego was ballooning out of control, and she _had_ to bring him down a few pegs. So what if the man could make reading the phone book sound sexy? She wasn’t some hormonal teenager. She was a grown woman, with self-control! She was going to prove that he couldn’t always get to her with his smooth voice alone.

              Emma turned to Killian as she shimmied into her jeans. She then cleared her throat and informed him that, for future reference, he couldn’t expect her to just fall into his arms simply because he tossed some sexy words her way.

              Killian responded simply by leaning over and whispering huskily in her ear,” Don’t deny the power I have over you, Swan.”

              Emma tried – and failed – to suppress the shiver caused by his lips brushing the shell of her ear, making a silent vow to herself. Oh, it was on! Even if it killed her.

              So determined was Emma that the next morning she was up before Killian; not an easy feat. Foregoing a shower was not part of her original plan, but she realized as she reached for the knob that it would be a mistake. If the running water awakened him, he might get in with her. Or at least come in to watch her towel off. Ok, so no shower today. Even eating breakfast together was a potential landmine, so Emma grabbed a banana – no, not a banana, she mentally berated herself, grabbing a bagel instead – and headed out the door while it was still dark.

              Emma was already buried in paperwork when Killian arrived at the station, David thankfully on his heels. Nothing doused sexual desire like your father being in the same room (although David _had_ walked in on them on top of Emma’s desk, and in the filing room, and in the breakroom . . .). Killian set a styrofoam to-go cup of coffee on Emma’s desk and bent to kiss her on the cheek.

              “Why so early love?”

              “Yeah, Emma,” her father added, “you’re not exactly a morning person.”

              Emma avoided eye contact with both her husband and her father. “We’re really behind on paper work, that’s all,” she answered with a shrug.

              For the rest of the day, Emma avoided being alone with Killian. She did her rounds with her father, and sent Killian with David to check out a potential break-in at the cannery. When her men returned, Killian found her in the filing room. He leaned over behind her, and Emma nearly jumped out of her skin. He hadn’t even opened his mouth, and just his close proximity was doing things to her. Damn him! She slammed the filing cabinet shut.

              “Emma, can –“

              But before he could say anything, Emma had announced that she found the file she was looking for, with a bit too much enthusiasm, and practically ran from the room.

              The rest of the day, through dinner, was easy. After work, she had errands to run (“female” things), and didn’t Killian want to have dinner with the entire family at Granny’s? Granted, Killian’s hand on her thigh was white-hot, but he had to control his tongue around her parents. Okay, so sometimes he liked to get a rise out of David, but she had thought ahead. Henry was eating with them, too.

              “You’re coming home with us, kiddo, right?”

              “Ummm . . actually, mom, Regina kind of needs me tonight, remember?” Henry gave her a confused look, like she ought to know this. “It’s – Robin’s birthday, remember?”

              “Oh . . . right.” How could she have forgotten? Darn it, she couldn’t ask Henry to come home with her now. Besides, you couldn’t really tell your son you needed him at home to keep you from having sex with his stepfather. Kind of inappropriate. Not to mention it would sound kind of crazy if she said it out loud.

              After Henry left, Emma stalled as long as she could, chatting with Snow to such an extent that Killian barely got a word in edgewise. When Killian left to go use the bathroom, Snow turned to Emma with concern and asked if anything was wrong between the two of them. Okay, she definitely needed to dial things back a bit if her mother thought she was having marital problems all of a sudden. After all, just yesterday they were acting like two horny teenagers.

              Emma smiled at Killian when he returned to the table and wrapped her arm around his waist. “Ready to go home, sweetie?”

              Killian smiled down at her, a bit of relief evident in his eyes. “Aye, love, sounds wonderful.”

              They were less than a block from Granny’s when Killian asked her in that concerned voice that always cut straight to her heart, “Is something wrong, love?”

“Oh, no, Killian, I’m just tired. That’s all; I promise.” Emma assured him quickly. She smiled up at him and kissed his cheek gently. She let him put his arm around her as they walked home, even resting her cheek on his shoulder. All she was trying to do was put him in his place a little bit, not start a fight. Besides, Emma had enough self-control to handle simple PDA.

Their empty house, however, was another story. As soon as the door closed behind them, Killian reached for Emma, that trademark grin draped across his face, huskily asking how she wanted to spend the rest of the evening. Emma literally dodged his embrace to sprint for the fridge. She grabbed a pint of rocky road and gave him a tired grin. She almost said “I just want to watch Netflix and chill,” but Henry had informed Killian of the double entendre of that phrase, so she quickly changed it to, “I’m so tired, I just want to veg out in front of the TV.”

Killian gave her an odd look, that slight hint of hurt flashing across his eyes. But it quickly passed, and he shrugged and said, “As you wish.”

Two hours of TV was actually much easier than Emma had anticipated. She curled up on the couch, her head in Killian’s lap, but he never tried to kiss her. He ran his fingers through her hair and rested his hook innocently on her hip. They chatted and laughed at the movie they were watching, and Emma was so relaxed she almost forgot about her little self-imposed challenge. It seemed like Killian sensed she was truly tired (which she was, she wasn’t used to rising with the sun like he was), and was respecting that. It was actually really sweet.

When the movie ended, Killian ran his hand down the length of her side. “Ready for bed love?” It was an innocent question, until, “Or would you like me to further assist you? Because I’ll be heading to bed now, too, my love.”

Emma knew exactly what he meant, and she didn’t have to look at him to know his eyebrows were quirked. She literally jumped from the couch. “Actually, there’s a few things I need to do around the house. But I’ll be up there in a minute.”

Emma risked looking Killian in the eye, attempting to look nonchalant. The tiniest hint of a smile teased at the corner of his mouth, and he narrowed his eyes at her slightly. “Okay, Swan.”

Oh, no. Was he onto her? If so, she might have a struggle awaiting her upstairs. Emma stalled as long as she could. She checked every lock on every door. She checked the dishes, but Killian being the neat former naval officer he was, had already put every cup, bowl, and spoon in the dishwasher. He had even washed out the sink and wiped down the counters. Emma checked the laundry room and exulted to find the dryer full of clothes. She pulled them out and folded them neatly in stacks on top of the machine. But as Emma folded Killian’s underwear, thoughts of him in them – and nothing else – started to mess with her resolve.

Emma had to find at least one more thing to occupy her that would make thoughts of Killian’s underwear flee her mind. The toilet! There was nothing remotely sexy about that. She went into the half bath, and scrubbed at the toilet with vigor, though it didn’t need it. Once she finished that task, she not only was in a better frame of mind, but thoroughly exhausted. Killian couldn’t possibly tempt her now.

She walked into the master bedroom to find Killian sitting up reading in bed. Propped behind him was not just his pillow, but Emma’s as well. Emma stood beside the bed with her hands on her hips.

“You stole my pillow.”

Killian responded without even glancing up from his book, “Well, you stole my heart first.”

Killian glanced up at her, and Emma couldn’t help the tiniest of smiles tug at the corners of her mouth. She tilted her head. “Good one.” Then she turned towards the bathroom, her ponytail whipping behind her.

Emma changed into her pajamas in the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and washed her face. She came out and slipped between the sheets, reaching out to snatch her pillow from under Killian’s head.

“Oi!” Killian yelped as his head fell backwards with a thud.               “I told you it’s my pillow.”

Killian winked at her. “Your pillow for my heart? I thought it was a fair trade.”

Those eyes. That smile. The way he looked without a shirt on. Emma was only human. She cuddled up against him, carding her fingers through his chest hair. She was just cuddling. Just. Cuddling. “You’re so cheesy, sometimes, you know that?”

“Am I?”

“Yes, and the way you make everything into an innuendo?”

“What are you talking about?”

Emma huffed and turned to look up at him, resting her chin on his chest. “You know. The way you say the most ordinary thing in that sexy voice.”

He grinned. “And you love me for it.” Killian ran his tongue over his bottom lip as he added, “Not to mention, I tend to get results from you, Swan. Don’t deny it.”

Emma rolled her eyes and wiggled back over to her side of the bed. She bunched her pillow up under head and closed her eyes. “I’m tired Killian. Turn off the lamp, please.”

Emma knew full well they both liked to make love with the light on so they could fully see one another. Killian made no move to turn off the lamp.

“You know you want me, Emma.”

Emma sighed, not opening her eyes. “I love you Killian, but I told you, I’m tired.”

“Then why are you smiling?”

Emma’s eyes flew open in frustration. She looked over to find Killian, eyes closed, a smug grin on his face.

“How do you know I’m smiling? Your eyes are closed!”

Killian opened one eye, grinning even more broadly. “I sensed you were smiling, so I peeked and confirmed it. Why fight it, Emma? You know you sleep better after I ravish you.”

Emma let out a frustrated groan and flopped onto her back. “You are so full of it, Killian!”

Killian rolled over on top of her. “Full of what, Swan?” He hovered over her, balanced on his hand and stump. He cocked his head as he looked down at her, his blue eyes sparkling. “Or do _you_ want to be full of _me_?”

Before Emma could even respond, Killian’s mouth was on hers. She responded to his kiss immediately without even thinking. Just because she was kissing him didn’t mean it had to go any farther. But then he was kissing the hollow of her neck and unbuttoning her pajama top.

“I’m tired, Killian,” Emma protested weakly, the whimper escaping her throat betraying her.

From that point on, Emma’s resolve completely fled. So maybe Killian Jones _was_ impossible for her to resist. Tomorrow she would just have to change her tactic. Instead, she would set out to prove that the statement was also true the other way around. She was one hundred percent sure she would be successful at _that_ self-imposed challenge.


End file.
